Krystalann’s Weblog

This has always been therapuetic for me. I’ve done it numerous times to let stuff out. Don’t ask if you’re on here or who’s who, that’s not the point.

1. Some days you make me wonder what it would be like to just go on one date with you. Other days, I hope I never find out.

2. I want to know what sets us apart.

3. I still think you’ll wake up one day and realize how perfect we are for each other.

4. You’re the breath of fresh air that I’ve been praying for for months. I don’t think you’ll ever understand how much I admire you.

5. I can’t figure you out. We used to be near inseperable, in a sense. But since the summer ended, even though you say you want to, you can never make time for me. I wish our friendship had been real enough to last through school starting. You were one of the few. And right now especially, I need your laughter in my life.

6. Sometimes you annoy me in the worst ways possible, and I know sometimes its evident and I hate that I can’t control my frustration. Because really, I’d be nothing without you loving and believing in me like you do.

7. You don’t even deserve this space.

8. “Actions speak louder than words.” I wish I could find time to make my actions match my words. When I tell you that I miss you and I want to spend time together, I mean it.

9. We’re strangers just holding on to a label- and I hate that. I miss what we truly used to be.

10. I believe that if you try once and it doesn’t work, then second and third shots are only prolonging the inevitable. But I have to say: lately, you’ve been re-catching my attention.

Yesterday at church, the Arenots (spelling?) spoke about a few things. Carol in particular told us the story of her raging mother, about how Carol was beaten by the person in her life whom is supposed to love her the most. And then she spoke about forgiveness. Listening to her story and to some other examples (forgiving someone who had beaten her her entire life, a man who raped his son’s three year old child), that kind of forgiveness seemed unthinkable. But if you cannot forgive someone who has wronged you- you in turn can never be set free. It’s funny, though, that that message should find me yesterday, because today I was faced with the deepest betrayal I have ever experienced. Someone who I trusted my entire heart with hurt me beyond conceivability. And the only reason that I am physically able to sit in this chair and form these sentences on this old, white keyboard is forgiveness. Yes, I’m hurt. Yes, I’m mad. Yes, it makes me want to hold back in every friendship and relationship I get into in the future. But along with this person, I’m letting all of those things go. I think that right now, that’s all that I have to do. I trust God to take care of the rest.

Other than that, I wish the rain would stop. But I’m thankful for it at the same time because gross weather makes me want to sit inside and study, which is exactly what I have to do tonight.

was the best Friday night I could have asked for. Every single second of it was spent at the park; normally, I think that’s lame, but it was so good. Tomorrow is going to be a rollercoaster- but I’m ready.

Watching this movie is the only time I’ve felt anything in the past two weeks.

It’s all downhill from here.

I fell asleep about twenty minutes after that last post. Needless to say, nothing creative was accomplished that night. I plan to fix that today.

I just don’t know what it is about bon fires… everything shifted last night. I feel unsettled.

“Are you ready?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

Day one. Take note.

I’ve been inspired to begin writing again since God gave me His pet name, “The Scribe.” On my birthday, Benji inspired me with a beautiful, portable, journal. And Haley inspired me to get one of these. I say it’s time to get serious. No matter where I do it, I hope to keep writing from the day I received that journal until the last day my pen quivers on this earth.

Today/tonight was beautiful. After theater, I went to Mary Grace’s house where a handful of beautiful people were sitting in her backyard, on a blanket, around a wagon of tea. Just watching them enjoy each other and the weather would have been more than enough for me, but I got to stay and be a part of it as well. We literally did not do anything- but it was perfect. Later in the evening after everyone had left, Katie, Mary Grace, and I went to Green Hills to meet up with some friends and see Across the Universe.
…To be quite honest, I haven’t felt so inspired in weeks.

I wanted to post before I got offline, but I plan now to stay up until the wee hours of the morning putting this inspiration to use. To anyone that read this and is going to keep reading: thanks.